After six straight defeats we approached the return against unbeaten, top-of-the-table TGFC with a mixture of weary resignation and wild, lunatic optimism.

Regardless of the result though, tonight was a little bit special, as it marked the first ‘graduation’ of a youth player to the FCKV ‘first team’. Hasan has been involved in the kickabout since it’s early days, when he was 16. Always keen to play, but unfortunately kept out by the 18+ age restrictions of the tournaments and the league, he couldn’t be kept back after his latest birthday.

A thumping defeat was a pretty harsh induction, but the one real bright spot in the match was the debutante’s well-crafted goal – taking the ball from the centre-spot, going round two players and lashing a screamer into the far corner of the net. That made it 10-1 and the opposition were obviously rattled, sensing that the comeback was on…but sadly time, and a few of the TGFC players, got away from us, and it was not to be.

So another defeat, and post-match, a comrade’s sage advice on the team’s next win was intoned in his absence by those present, in the style of project mayhem (you know…the bit where the back of Meat Loaf’s head falls off in Fight Club). “It’ll come youth, it’ll come youth”.

Maybe we should put that on the badge? 😉

Team: Steve, Jim, Reevesie, Skinner, James, Hasan, Nils
Scorer(s): Hasan (1)


On this brisk Monday evening, FCKV stepped out at St. Margaret’s pastures against newcomers to the league, Bamba United (please note, they are definitely not called Bambi United, as Lee had previously imagined, so no jokes about Bambi’s dead mother, or puns involving ‘oh dear’… please).

Coming off the back of a few defeats on-the-trot FCKV were keen to get back into winning ways – but despite some excellent periods of play, sterling individual performances, and solid organisation, luck was not on our side – again! The eventual 8-2 in Bamba’s favour was unrepresentative of what was a well contested match. No, really!

The referee was in fine fettle, passing remark on Jim’s beautifully coloured hair (a comment clearly fuelled by intense jealousy on the ref.’s part). He then dutifully supplied the Kolektivo krew with the now-obligatory neon yellow bibs, replete with a range of unsettling odours that Calvin Klein himself would be hard-pressed to conceal (you can actually see the stink lines). They even had a ball for us to use this week – things were looking up already.

Come on you reds… oh, wait, no… NEON YELLOWS!!

The early minutes of the game looked even more hopeful. Again, the defensive shape was solid with plenty of support getting back from the midfield when needed. Going forward things appeared promising as well, with some nice overlapping play and some threatening passes and attempts in the vicinity of their goal-mouth, leaving Bamba noticeably rattled. Like a deer caught in headlights… (sorry, no more puns).

Unfortunately, Bamba got on the score-sheet first, and with a few more slipping by before halftime FCKV were left with an uphill struggle. Hopes of yet another epic turn-around were raised mid-way through the second half courtesy of Nilz’s first goal… and those hopes were dashed soon afterward by another Bamba goal. FCKV scored again to restore some pride, but 2 more late Bamba goals left the result looking more one-sided than it ought to. It just seemed that every time Bamba caught a glimpse of the FCKV goal they managed to put the ball into it, despite gut-busting efforts from the entire Kolektivo squad. Oh deer! (that’s the last pun, honestly).

There were some genuine silver linings though. Steve remained an imposing figure inside the area – and out of it, running headlong into the opposition with a customary bellow, to warn them of the possibility they may get kicked over the fence. Nilz hit the back of the net twice in the second half despite some strain to his calves, hinting at an impending torrent of goals in the coming weeks. Ed played out of his skin in midfield, with James adding a threat up-front, linking well with Nilz on a number of occasions. Skinner, playing further forward than usual at times, rattled the cages with some near-missed rockets from distance. Hux and Jim held strong in defence, hassling and chasing, leaving Bamba precious little space to work with. Lee was in the role of gaffer once again, shouting encouragement from the sidelines to keep everyone’s chins up. ‘It’ll come youth, it’ll come!’

Looking on the bright side, despite a run of defeats, FCKV have still managed to keep off the bottom of the table. With a bit more luck on Kolektivo’s side, the organisation and discipline shown in the last few games will start paying dividends, and we’ll be back on winning form. That said, if any team members want to take up a religion of some sort, a few sacrificial offerings to various gods or fairies might help as well. You don’t actually have to believe in them or anything… just appease their wrath ‘til the end of the season.

Team: Steve, Hux, Jim, Skinner, Ed, James, Nilz.
Scorer: Nilz (2)